The common denominator of success – the secret of success of every man who has ever been successful – lies in the fact that he formed the habit of doing things that failures don’t like to do. ~ Albert E. N. Gray

The person without a purpose is like a ship without a rudder. ~ Thomas Carlyle

When I started this blog several months ago, I decided to lead with a series of reflections on what makes people successful vs. unsuccessful. More to the point, what causes some people to lead more productive, effective lives than others? Taking my cue from a poster I had come across, I hoped to examine the benefits of engaging in certain activities on a regular basis by citing the research that had been conducted around these undertakings. To recap, successful/effective/productive people tend to: 

• Read every day and engage less in “non-productive” types of endeavors
• Compliment others vs. criticize
• Embrace change rather than fear it
• Forgive others instead of holding grudges
• Talk and wrestle with big ideas and refrain from talking about people
• Feel they don’t know it all but continue to learn
• Accept responsibility for their failures and not blame others
• Have an attitude of gratitude vs. entitlement
• Set realistic, achievable goals and life plans

With the new year already upon us, hopefully you have had the chance to wrestle with some of these ideas and decide where to best invest your time and energy. If you’re like me and of my vintage, you may be seriously considering how to make life matter heading into the golden years. Now that I’ve entered my seventh decade of life on this planet (yikes!), it becomes all the more apparent that how I live the remaining years matters now more than ever. What I’m referring to is purpose.

Albert E. N. Gray (who was quoted at the beginning of this article) was an official of the Prudential Insurance Company of America and a highly sought after speaker in the mid-1900’s. In 1940 he gave a speech to the National Association of Life Underwriters at their annual convention. Based on his small but inspirational booklet, The Common Denominator of Success, he outlined the key factors leading to success in the insurance business. Of these, he distilled it down to one apparent truth: successful people form the habit of doing the things that failures don’t like to do. And in response to why this is so, Gray offered they do so “in order to accomplish the purpose they want to accomplish” – a purpose strong enough to make them form the habit of doing things they don’t like to do.

Many of us claim to have “purpose” but often our purpose is misaligned or poorly defined. Gray suggested that establishing a meaningful purpose in life should be practical and not visionary, sentimental or emotional but not necessarily logical. Put more simply, ones’ purpose should be guided by desires and wants, not by your needs. Needs, Gray stresses, will only carry you so far. But once they are met, they will stop pushing you toward your purpose. Wants and desires, on the other hand, will continue to push you long after your needs are met. By way of example, I (like many of you) have found purpose in stewarding my time and skills by investing voluntarily in the lives of others. If I defined this purpose in term of my need to feel better about myself or to check something off a “to do” list, I would be guilty of a selfish or self-serving purpose. This, in turn, may not be sufficient to motivate me to continue with my actions. But if my purpose is defined as a desire to better the lives of my fellow human beings, my motive would, of course, be selfless and humanitarian. Those kinds of purposes tend to spur momentum toward more meaningful actions.

Further, Gray stated that success can’t be achieved by “following our natural likes and dislikes, nor by being guided by our natural preferences and prejudices.” Referring back to the “successful vs. unsuccessful” list of traits, we can easily see that those actions or choices that cause people to be successful are those which we has humans naturally oppose or reject. For example, isn’t it more like human nature to criticize or find fault than to compliment, to hold grudges rather than forgive, to blame others rather than accept personal responsibility?

Purpose + Habit Breeds Success

In addition, Gray stressed that most every form of success is acquired through habit. “Men form habits and habits form futures,” Gray asserts. “If you do not deliberately form good habits, then unconsciously you will form bad ones. You are the kind of man you are because you have formed the habit of being that kind of man, and the only way you can change is through habit.” Furthermore, any habit worth forming must be linked to a definite purpose that can be accomplished by making that decision that you need to change. And as I discussed in the previous blog, that decision to change must be made not only today but tomorrow and the next day and the next (remember the 66-day rule?).

As you reflect on your new year’s goals, consider also what your purpose is at this point in your life. Determine what things you have been avoiding doing simply because they were inconvenient or not particularly attractive or to your liking. Now project what might happen if you started doing those things day in and day out. Where do you envision yourself six months, a year, two years from now? If you dare to put this plan into action, then you may discover that you have become as Albert Gray said, “master of yourself and master of your likes and dislikes by surrendering to your purpose in life . . . For in the last analysis, your future is not going to depend on economic conditions or outside influences of circumstances over which you have no control. Your future is going to depend on your purpose in life.”

Singleness of purpose is one of the chief essential for success in life, no matter what may be one’s aim. ~ John D. Rockefeller

True happiness . . . is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a worthy purpose. ~ Helen Keller

The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive, but in finding something to live for. ~ Fyodor Dostoyevsky

People who use time wisely spend it on activities that advance their overall purpose in life.  ~ John C. Maxwell