Our newly elected President has promised to unify our country, to bring together opposing parties and to help heal our nation of the division and rancor that has developed in recent years. Yet the responsibility of unifying a divided country does not lie solely on the shoulders of one man. It falls on all of us.

Merriam-Webster defines unity as “a condition of harmony (accord) or the quality or state of being made one.” It’s where we get the expression “E pluribus unum” which is Latin for, “Out of many, one.” This identity of several “united” states has been with us since the birth of our nation and was only seriously challenged by the Civil War in the 1860’s. And while we remain integrated as state entities and “pledge allegiance . . . to one Nation under God,” as individuals there is much left to be desired as we travel this bumpy road toward national unity. So how can we practically achieve this arduous goal?

The On-ramp to Reconciliation

One step toward greater unity in our country is through the process of reconciliation. To reconcile is to restore healthy relations with those who oppose us. It’s honoring the axiom of “agreeing to disagree agreeably” with each other. As a Christian, my faith is based on Christ’s message of reconciling all believers to and with each other. But more so, he calls his followers to be reconcilers in the world. As author Trillia Newbill defines it, a reconciler is “one who does the work of reconciliation: restoring friendships, bringing harmony, resolving differences.”

There are many ways to fulfill the act of reconciliation but one primary way according to Newbill is to be slow to speak. We can do more harm than good, she says, when we are quick to speak and slow to listen, especially before we know all the facts of a situation. Unfortunately, social media promotes a “speak first/listen later” mindset which is fertile ground for miscommunication, misunderstanding, and mistrust. Rather, says Newbill, “assuming a posture of learning and listening will not only serve the person who is sharing, but we will also have a greater opportunity to respond clearly and effectively.” Being slow to speak may also mean discerning whether to speak at all, adds Newbill. Some feel the need to respond to every statement or event which often only adds fuel to the fire of discord. And while there are times when not speaking out would be irresponsible, it’s often more prudent to use your two ears and one mouth in their proper proportions.

Reconciliation with those who disagree with us is not easy, reminds Newbill. In fact, “true reconciliation takes effort beyond simply saying sorry or even ‘Can’t we all get along?’ It takes dying to self, resisting apathy, evaluating where reparations might be made, and pursuing vulnerable relationships. Being a reconciler means extending grace and being open to others in ways that are often painful and costly.” Above all it requires our participation, as well as our patience, to come to fruition.

Healthy Arguing

Seeking common ground does not necessarily mean having fewer arguments but having better arguments, says author Philip Yancey. There’s certainly nothing wrong with healthy debate within political and social circles. But rather than forcing our point of view on the other side or pointing out everything that is wrong with theirs, why not focus on comprehending their perspective—seeking to understand how they came to hold their particular viewpoint?  Yancey suggests employing something like the following script when discussing differing views with someone: “I won’t try to convert you to my way of thinking, and I doubt you’ll convert me either. So let’s take the notion of winning off the table. But I’d really like to understand your point of view.” Following this, make a conscientious effort to really listen to your opponent, perhaps restating their viewpoint (“What I hear you saying is . . .”) or asking questions to clarify their claims (“I’m wondering what led you to that viewpoint?”) without attempting to negate them. Such conversations can go far to bridge the chasm between “us and them” and bring back the cause of civility to our conversations. Who is the “winner” in such discussions? Hopefully both sides, if arguing is done correctly.

Keep It Private, Keep It Friendly

David Blankenhorn, President of Braver Angels, calls to mind two simple rules named after former presidents in addressing the need for unity. The Eisenhower Rule states: “Reserve criticism for private conference. Speak only good in public.” Dwight Eisenhower was widely admired by both political parties for his tendency to speak of others in positive terms in public, while reserving his bluntest comments for private conversations with his opponents. The Lincoln Rule has a complementary maxim: “If you would win a person to your cause, first convince them that you are their sincere friend.” Abe Lincoln, one of our most maligned presidents, knew the importance of building strong relationships with his political foes, recognizing that kindness and warm engagement went far when arguing one’s point.

Taking the above principles to heart, imagine a world in which the public media carried only a positive spin on our current events while refraining from derogatory or hateful speech. Picture breaking bread with someone whose views differ drastically from yours only to find out that you have more in common than not. And envision treating and speaking to others as if they were truly the image bearers of our Creator as opposed to distant and peculiar step-siblings?  Blankenhorn suggests that taking such steps could eventually lead to better physical, emotional, and spiritual health as a nation. “We might discover that political decency is also a public health measure,” he says.

“The whole world is watching” was a phrase chanted by anti-Vietnam War demonstrators as they were beaten and arrested by police during the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago. Today, the whole world is watching us to see whether we can resolve our differences and achieve the unity that once made (and still makes) us a great as a nation. I, for one, will strive to do my part whenever and wherever and with whomever I can. Will you join me?

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.  – Martin Luther King, Jr.

In crucial things, unity. In important things, diversity. In ALL things, generosity. – George H. W. Bush