Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.      —  Steven Wright

Where in the heck did I put my cellphone?

If you’ve entered the age of being a “young” senior like me, you’ve undoubtedly encountered the above scenario (with cellphone easily replaced with keys, glasses, book, etc.). I like to think that I’m more forgetful because I have so much stored in my amazing brain from a lifetime of experiences that I can’t decide what files need to be deleted to make room for new or more important information and by then, I’ve forgotten what I was to remember. Must not have been that important, I rationalize. But if it is important, then post-it notes have become my savior. Don’t want to forget something? Put it on a sticky note. Need to remember to call someone? Jot it on a post-it and slap it on your mirror. Run out of post-it notes? Write a reminder on . . . uh . . . whatever is on hand.

So why do we forget? And why does absentmindedness become more prevalent with age? Researcher Daniel Schacter, author of The Seven Sins of Memory, suggests that as adults get older, we tend to not give sufficient attention at the moment we attempt to encode (i.e., prepare information for memory storage). This explains why many of us misplace common items. Whether we are distracted by our thoughts or by the phone ringing or our dog begging for a treat, we lay down an item without intentionally committing its location to memory. The best way to rectify this? Place commonly used objects in the same location each time or at least somewhere that is highly visible.

Relying on external memory aids is also important, such as the aforementioned post-it notes. With all of the technology at our hands, it’s also pretty easy to save a date or task on your cellphone calendar with a reminder alarm set to go off at a designated time—as long as you don’t misplace your cellphone (see above). We can also convert “time-based” tasks into “event-based” tasks, Schacter suggests. A prime example is remembering (or forgetting) to take medication at certain times of the day. Instead of remembering to take our pills at a specific time every night (susceptible to forgetting), we can remember to take our meds during the “event” of say brushing our teeth before bed (a habitual routine most of us follow).

Can’t Get It Out of My Head (When Forgetting is a Good Thing)

Forgetting can be a positive thing, too. Most of us try to intentionally repress any memories of bad or impulsive decisions or embarrassing events in our lives—like the time I tried to launch myself through a doorway from a set of parallel bars (Metal door jamb meets forehead resulting in trip to the ER and the scar to prove it). Oh well, some memories are just etched into our brains (mentally and literally for me).

Certainly, some memories tend to persist, like an earworm stuck in your head (think of the song, My Sharona. You’re welcome). On a more serious note, regrettable or traumatic memories can be difficult to forget or flush from one’s memory banks. Most of us know of people (including some of us) who have experienced a tragic event that haunts our memories, impacting quality of life and creating longstanding mental health issues. Common sense would suggest that repressing or trying to actively forget these happenings would be the remedy. But psychologists have actually found that trying to avoid thinking about a horrendous or traumatic event may actually reinforce persisting bad memories. More helpful, says Schacter, is therapeutic approaches that allow a client to gradually re-experience the traumatic event within the safe confines of a therapeutic setting. As a result, negative memories of past trauma tend to subside over time.

To Forget is Human

We can all agree that forgetfulness is part and parcel of the human experience. So, if your memory ain’t what it used to be, you’re in good company. Most of what we forget is pretty harmless and not all that uncommon. Just remember: If you’ve misplaced your eyeglasses, your best bet is to first check to see if they might be propped on your forehead. Beyond that, you’re on your own.

I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again ― Andrew Lloyd Webber, Memory (from Cats)

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Note: Alzheimer’s is a brain disease that causes a slow decline in memory, thinking and reasoning skills. With the diagnosis and prevalence of this condition and other forms of dementia on the rise, serious memory concerns should be evaluated by a doctor or professional. If you are concerned that you or a loved one is experiencing significant memory loss that disrupts daily life, check out the Alzheimer’s Association’s 10 warning signs (https://www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/10_signs).